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Author Topic: Joke  (Read 3074 times)

Icyfroth

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Joke
« on: November 27, 2015, 12:25:51 PM »

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Cheers

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Re: Joke
« Reply #1 on: November 27, 2015, 08:38:42 PM »

She would reply, "send me the book that you're reading"
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Zinnia

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Re: Joke
« Reply #2 on: November 27, 2015, 10:18:54 PM »

 ;D
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chickaboom

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Re: Joke
« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2015, 11:57:25 PM »

Your my little poopy woopy
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Icyfroth

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Re: Joke
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2015, 10:42:27 PM »

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Icyfroth

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Re: Joke
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2015, 08:29:41 PM »

Changing Times:

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Icyfroth

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Re: Joke
« Reply #6 on: December 16, 2015, 10:24:41 AM »

A Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out  during a particularly icy winter. They planned  to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because  of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Glasgow and flew to Barcelona on Thursday, with his  wife flying down the following day. The husband  checked into the hotel.. There was a computer in  his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However,he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without  realizing his error, sent the email. 

Meanwhile, somewhere in Blackpool , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who died following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and  friends. After reading the first message, she  screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the  floor, and saw the computer screen which read: 

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've  Arrived
Date: October 16, 2008

I know  you're surprised to hear from me. They have  computers here now and you are allowed to send  emails to your loved ones..
I've just  arrived and have been checked in. I see that 
Everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to  seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Bloody hot  down  here!
 
 
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Icyfroth

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Re: Joke
« Reply #7 on: December 17, 2015, 09:23:36 PM »

husband and wife were grocery shopping. He picks up a case of beer and puts it in the cart. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them", demands the wife. They continue shopping. Later on, she puts a $20 jar of face cream in the basket. "What are you doing?" asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife. He said, "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price."

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Icyfroth

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Re: Joke
« Reply #8 on: March 16, 2016, 11:57:21 AM »

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sam

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Re: Joke
« Reply #9 on: March 16, 2016, 12:07:16 PM »

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ibis

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Re: Joke
« Reply #10 on: March 17, 2016, 12:20:41 PM »

an irish joke for st patrick's day:

A Irishman wants a job, but the boss won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

Here is your first question, the boss said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" the man says, "Dats easy."

And proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Tree and tree, plus tree makes 9" says the man.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The man stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree... "Ere ye go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of them trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire the guy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The man stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere ye go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt and says, "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The man leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, "A little dog came along and pooped by each tree...so now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred!"
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Poddy

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Re: Joke
« Reply #11 on: March 17, 2016, 01:23:35 PM »

 ;D Up there for thinking it shows that the Irish are smarter than the average bear:)
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Poddy

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Re: Joke
« Reply #12 on: March 17, 2016, 01:29:45 PM »

A guy walks into a bar on St. Pats day and orders a beer as the barman is filling the pint he says to the guy "want to hear the latest Irish joke?"  the guy replies " 'ere 'ere, I'm Irish ya know" the barman says "in that case I will tell you very very  slowly"
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Icyfroth

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Re: Joke
« Reply #13 on: March 17, 2016, 02:42:02 PM »

Paddy walks into a pet shop to buy a fish.

Salesman says "d'you want an aquarium?"

Paddy says "I don't care what star sign it is!

Boom Boom.
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Icyfroth

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Re: Joke
« Reply #14 on: March 17, 2016, 04:21:06 PM »

CATCH OF THE DAY!!

The rain was pouring down. And there, standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub, was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.
A passer-by stopped and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Fishing," replied the old man.
Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says, "Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me."
In the warmth of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, the gentleman cannot resist asking, "So how many have you caught today?"
"You're the eighth." says the old man.....
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