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Author Topic: Joke  (Read 2311 times)

Icyfroth

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Re: Joke
« Reply #30 on: March 25, 2016, 02:58:24 PM »

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Icyfroth

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Re: Joke
« Reply #31 on: April 08, 2016, 09:07:57 AM »

PRICELESS!
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'
 
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.
 
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."
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Icyfroth

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Re: Joke
« Reply #32 on: May 10, 2016, 12:42:25 PM »

In a convent in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The



 Nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.

 They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.

 One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a
 bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous
 Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.


 Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail
 Nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had
 finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

 As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to
 have one last talk with their spiritual leader..

 "Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us"


 She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said: "

 "DON'T SELL THAT COW."
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Icyfroth

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Re: Joke
« Reply #33 on: May 10, 2016, 12:45:46 PM »


        Magic  Sandals

       A married couple were on holiday  in Jamaica . They were
touring around  the market-place looking at the goods  and such, when
they passed a small  sandal shop.

       >From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent
say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my  humble shop..'

       So the married couple walked  in.
       The Jamaican said to them, 'I  'ave some special sandals I
tink you would  be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'

       Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals
after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need
them, being the Sex God that he was.

       The husband asked the man, 'How  could sandals make you a sex  freak?'

       The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'

       Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally
gave in and tried them on.

       As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild
       Look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!

       In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent
him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants,
and grabbed a  firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.

        The Jamaican began screaming:  'You got dem on de wrong feet!'
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Icyfroth

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Re: Joke
« Reply #34 on: May 17, 2016, 07:05:49 PM »

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the River.The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids - I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'On the other side of the river near the Parliament car park in Canberra.

'Same here. Hmm.....How do you catch them?' asked the big Croc.

'Well, I crawl up under one of their big Lexus, BMW or Mercedes cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the odoriferous brown stuff that sticks to your shoes out of them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the odoriferous brown stuff that sticks to your shoes out of a Politician, there's nothing much left but an event horizon with a briefcase
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Poddy

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Re: Joke
« Reply #35 on: May 17, 2016, 07:11:29 PM »

 :) :) :) :) :)
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Icyfroth

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Re: Joke
« Reply #36 on: May 30, 2016, 11:27:31 AM »

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Icyfroth

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Re: Joke
« Reply #37 on: June 21, 2016, 07:27:01 AM »


A painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a  gifted portrait artist.  Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown Malbay, in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses.


 
One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude. This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to pay up to £10,000.

Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked much about the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the decision but finally his wife agreed, on one condition. In a few minutes he returned.       
                       
"T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said... "The wife says it's okay. I'll paint you in the nude all right; but I have to at least leave me socks on, so I have a place to wipe me brushes."
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