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Author Topic: Politically Incorrect Jokes  (Read 8298 times)

Icyfroth

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Politically Incorrect Jokes
« on: January 18, 2016, 11:00:43 AM »


Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, arrives at Passport Control at Athens airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?"
"No, not this time........ I am just here for a few days."

 
Teacher asks Billy; "If you have five sweets and Mohammed asks for one, how many will you have left?"
Billy; "Five"

 
Wife says to husband, "You only ever want sex when you're drunk".
Husband says, "that's not true....... sometimes I want a kebab".

 
The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya.
They sent in 3 ships.......... 2 full of sand and one full of cement.
It was a mortar attack.

 
A Geordie and a US aid worker, are helping out in Syria.
The American says, "You from round here, buddy?"
The 'Geordie replies, "No, Newcastle"
"What State's that in?" asks the Yank.
"Pretty much the same state as this place!"

 
Stephen Hawking went on his first date in 10 years, and when he got back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees.
Apparently she'd stood him up.

 
Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship.
She replied "Wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off!"

 
The Chinese government have thanked Britain for the rescue dogs they sent out.
They said they were delicious!

 
My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger.
It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles, that I realised..... she wanted to rent her spare room out
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sam

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Re: Politically Incorrect Jokes
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2016, 11:39:48 AM »

Can we have PMSL smiley please?
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Frownland

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Re: Politically Incorrect Jokes
« Reply #2 on: January 18, 2016, 04:15:50 PM »

“One liberating factor is that I now don’t feel so much that I have a dog in the next election fight.''
 you certainly did last time Andrew  :)


http://www.theguardian.com/media/2016/jan/18/bolt-report-news-corp-refuses-to-confirm-reports-show-has-been-dropped#comment
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Kim

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Re: Politically Incorrect Jokes
« Reply #3 on: January 18, 2016, 06:16:49 PM »


he he

"The program has never enjoyed high ratings or attracted lucrative advertising revenue. It is consistently beaten in the ratings by Insiders on the ABC."

But then we knew that didn't we ;)
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lightningdance

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Re: Politically Incorrect Jokes
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2016, 09:50:05 PM »

Bono was on stage in Glasgow, he started a slow clap and intoned “Every time I clap my hands a child dies in Africa dies”.

A voice from the audience said “ Well stop fkn clapping then”.
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Kim

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Re: Politically Incorrect Jokes
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2016, 10:06:32 PM »

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Mango4me

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Re: Politically Incorrect Jokes
« Reply #6 on: January 19, 2016, 08:39:51 AM »

  ;D         Some thick people believe everything they read.
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Icyfroth

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Re: Politically Incorrect Jokes
« Reply #7 on: January 19, 2016, 08:53:19 AM »

Bono was on stage in Glasgow, he started a slow clap and intoned “Every time I clap my hands a child dies in Africa dies”.

A voice from the audience said “ Well stop fkn clapping then”.

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Mango4me

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Re: Politically Incorrect Jokes
« Reply #8 on: January 19, 2016, 09:03:29 AM »

 
      Tony Abbott
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Kim

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Re: Politically Incorrect Jokes
« Reply #9 on: January 19, 2016, 10:13:46 AM »

Bono was on stage in Glasgow, he started a slow clap and intoned “Every time I clap my hands a child dies in Africa dies”.

A voice from the audience said “ Well stop fkn clapping then”.

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

What is funny about something that was never said?
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Kim

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Re: Politically Incorrect Jokes
« Reply #10 on: January 19, 2016, 10:14:48 AM »

 
      Tony Abbott

That onion guy :D
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sam

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Re: Politically Incorrect Jokes
« Reply #11 on: January 19, 2016, 10:22:57 AM »

Snopes- false

http://www.snopes.com/music/artists/bono.asp


Oh FFS this thread is for jokes!  I can't believe you were looking it up on snopes!  bwahahahahahah  Did you believe the one about Merkel too?  bahahahahahahahah
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sam

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Re: Politically Incorrect Jokes
« Reply #12 on: January 19, 2016, 10:40:06 AM »

*American journalist goes to Afghanistan in 2000. Everywhere he goes he sees men walking ten feet in front of women. He asks an Afghani guy about it, the guy responds, "this is our culture, where men are superior to women, and that is why they must walk behind us." Journalist shrugs and goes back to US.
Five years later, in 2005, same journalist goes back to Afghanistan. Everywhere he goes he now sees women walking ten feet IN FRONT of men. Journalist gets really excited, goes to talk to an Afghani guy. "This is an amazing cultural shift, and step toward gender equality!" journalist says. "What prompted this change?"
Afghani guy shrugs. "Landmines"



Hung Chow calls into work and says, “Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomachache and legs hurt, I no come work.” The boss says, “You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.” Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. “Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house.”


Bruce comes home from the pub and sees Sheila watching Gordon Ramsay's F%*#ing cooking show on the telly.
Bruce says; "What are you watching that odoriferous brown stuff that sticks to your shoes for? You can't cook to save your life!."
To which Sheila replies; "So what? You watch porn movies, don’t you?"


A story about mateship. Sheila didn't come home one night. When Bruce asked her where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girl friend's house. Bruce was a bit suspicious she'd been rooting around so rang her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her.
Next week Bruce didn't come home one night. Sheila asks him where the hell he'd been. Bruce says he got a bit drunk at a mate's place and thought it was safer not to drive and crash out there. Sheila thinks he's been rooting around so rings his ten best mates. Eight of them say he spent the night there and two claim he's still there.
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lightningdance

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Re: Politically Incorrect Jokes
« Reply #13 on: January 19, 2016, 10:41:08 AM »

Snopes- false

http://www.snopes.com/music/artists/bono.asp

WTF...are you that eager to slime me that you can't see the joke? what is wrong with you? get a life.
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lightningdance

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Re: Politically Incorrect Jokes
« Reply #14 on: January 19, 2016, 10:42:43 AM »

  ;D         Some thick people believe everything they read.

You are just as bad, this is a joke thread go somewhere else to spread your toxicity and name calling.
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